she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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