Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pants are for mortals
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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