I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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