I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
