Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
