My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
