I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
