He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
