Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
