Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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