i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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