You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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