you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
