Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
