so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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