I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he thought i was a dude.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize