oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
