so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
