So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
