im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
