I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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