what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
