Porn is love you can see.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
