Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
