FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
