so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
