he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize