Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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