I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
