her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
