Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
