I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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