Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize