thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
