could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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