Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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