best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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