for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
