her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
