i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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