Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
