I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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