he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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