She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
