Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
