i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
should my penis look like a turkey
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
