pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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