Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
