He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
