Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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