Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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