You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
