you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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