i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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