I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
