I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
