Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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