I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
