Nicole vs. Life
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
