I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
