kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
