Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
