The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
