If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize