I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
