If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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