she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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