i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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