ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
