I look better un-naked...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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