Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This is my gift to your gina
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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