a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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