I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
