Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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