I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
