Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
